welcome to my diary.
HI FRIEND!! I’m Hannah, & I’m so so happy you’re here.
Wholeheartedly Han is something my heart has been dreaming about for a very long time, and I can hardly believe it’s here.
It started in a journal. To be specific, a pink and purple paperback journal with flowers and butterflies on the cover. Go figure. Sixth grade Hannah picked up a pen and wrote down her deepest, darkest secrets all over the pages (okay, probably just the boy she had a crush on and some weird facts about her week like what she ate for lunch on Tuesday). Page 5 is the spot where my best friend wrote down her * email * for me at camp so we could text, and page 15 is where I wrote about what I wanted for my 12th birthday.
But the journal only lasted so long before I outgrew the pink and purple butterflies and the pages filled up. After the journal, I started writing in my notes app. This became a safe place to write during high school, everything from church notes to funny things my friends said. Writing became a way to process my life, almost like a story. I would stay up all night writing in my journal about the most random things. I go back and read them sometimes and cringe on behalf of 15 year old Hannah.
But no matter how embarrassing, they were still indescribably special to me. My thoughts were my own. My experiences were unique. My journals and notes app were a place where I could be ME, and spend time writing about the things God was doing in my life. And to be honest, I liked that it was private. I liked that they could stay tucked away in my journal in the drawer in my bedroom. Which is why ‘Wholeheartedly Han’ came as such a surprise to me.
It probably shouldn’t have been that much of a shock, since teachers have been telling me since grade school that I had a gift for writing. I never liked that they said that. Compared to being on a club volleyball team or being able to play instruments like my friends, writing an amazing essay for my English class didn’t seem exciting.
At. All.
I actually felt embarrassed sometimes that writing and communication was the thing I got compliments on. I wanted to hear soooo badly that I was amazing at sports or singing, but considering the fact that I quit soccer when I was 7 and I never really sang in front of anyone, neither of those were things people saw in me. I got more praise for my 8th grade student council speech (even though my ‘Vote for Hannah!!’ signs that my friends held behind me were arranged backwards) than when I made my middle school volleyball team. Big bummer.
But slowly, from the time my 2nd grade teachers started noticing my writing until last year (my sophomore year of college), God has gently opened my eyes to the gift of communication I have. And I actually love it. (*insert excited giggle*)
I realized that I DO love writing. I love long conversations with no hurry to finish. I love going to coffee with people and talking for hours. I love listening to podcasts where people talk for a long time. I love late night chats at sleepovers until 2am, and early morning Bible studies talking about Jesus. I love talking with my friends in my dorm bathroom while we brush our teeth. And I realized that my journal entries are just conversations with God. It’s literally me blabbing about random things in my life because it’s FUN! And that’s the point of the gift! God gave each of us gifts to enjoy life in a magnified way and to honor Him with it.
When I started feeling like my writing was something I wanted to share with people, it scared me. It’s always been private. But then I thought about the gifts my family and friends have. If my best friend couldn’t sing, then our dorm room would be quieter and our karaoke nights way less entertaining. If my parents didn’t have the gift of encouragement, then oh my gosh, my high school years would’ve been doomed. If my pastors and mentors didn’t have the gift of teaching, then I wouldn’t have a love for Scripture like I do. And I have to believe that if I didn’t have the gift of communication, then I wouldn’t be living as fully as I know God has called me to.
So, welcome to Wholeheartedly Han. I guess this is my digital diary? But mostly I want it to just feel like a sweet conversation that happened to find its way into your inbox. When you read this blog, I hope you brew a tea and grab a blanket and feel like you’re sitting down for a chat with your friend.
Talk soon!! Love you with my whole heart!!
xoxo,
Han